Change
How to change your behaviors
We found the book How to Change very insightful for what drives behavior change. It’s one of those books that can be summarized as a blogpost, and that’s what we are doing here.
1. Want the change
Think about why you want to change? What’s your motivation?
Ideally this is tied to your values, some deep motivation that you can rely on
You can even phrase it as an identity like “I am a vegetarian” or “I am a person who reaches out to their friends”. This will also build over time as you use the tools below
Keep this motivation top of mind, for example by including it in your weekly review
2. Start with a blank slate
Use any kind of “reset” moment in your life to start, that way you compare less to your previous self who didn’t do the behavior.
Examples could be: A move, after a holiday, after a promotion, in a new semester, when starting a relationship, at new year, on a Monday, after your birthday, after a health scare, after the birth of your child, when getting married, after your payday, after a moment of insight, after a bad date, a Euzoia newsletter post, …
All these moments both act as a moment of motivation but also as a potential reset for existing behaviors. They also all come with the risk of losing existing behaviors your cherish - that’s why it’s great to check in on existing behaviors during your weekly review.
Changes of physical environment, e.g. a move or new office, are especially powerful. A lot of existing cues will disappear allowing you to fully reset all behaviors associated with these
3. Set a realistic goal
Achieving your goals depends on how much you believe in yourself to be able to achieve your goals.
The more you achieve your goals the more you learn that you can achieve goals you set for yourself and slowly build self-confidence and agency.
So: Start with a realistic goal where you can find examples that you have achieved something similar before
Link the goal to your weekly reviews and slowly set more ambitious goals
4. Automate
Right now you are motivated. Future you will be tired, forgetful, possibly hangry. The three checklist items that follow are all about making sure even grumpy you wants to do the right thing.
An even better way to get around your grumpy self is if it takes zero willpower. If possible, try to find a solution where that is possible (eg automating savings, living with friends, …)
Hard rules also fall in this category. It’s much easier to follow a “I am vegetarian” rule than to think about if you want to eat meat today every time you cook or order something. Careful with too ambitious ones though.
5. Make it pleasant and easy
Make it pleasant
Ask yourself: How could this be more fun? (eg do it with friends, while listening to music, sports classes you actually enjoy, …)
Hang out with people who already do the things you want to do. This helps to both see what’s possible and celebrate each other’s successes
Combine aversion with pleasure (eg watch your favorite show while cooking, only go to fast food joints when meeting people I should meet but don’t want to meet, …) this is also called “Temptation Bundling”
Make it easy
Make the starting threshold very small (eg very clear next steps, small goals)
Change your state (eg protein shakes or Ozempic to reduce hunger, coffee to focus, antidepressants for mood). Obviously most of these together with a doctor.
Plan for difficult situations: For some behaviors you can already foresee situations where they will be hard to stick to (eg a diet when going to a restaurant). Already plan now what you will do in those situations to not having to come up with a solution on the spot.
If possible, front-load the right behavior. For example when you want to go to the gym three times a week, plan for Monday, Wednesday, Thursday. If something goes wrong, you still have Friday to Sunday to do the work. Similar for diet: Most people have more control over breakfast and lunch than over dinner.
I would like to donate money but hate the process, it feels like doing taxes. I can’t automate it due to Dutch tax reasons. So instead I organize a party (make it pleasant) where I do donations together with friends. I have a reminder in my yearly planning to plan those each year.
Christoph
6. Make the opposite unpleasant and hard
Make the opposite unpleasant
Use cash commitment devices - they are shown to work best: Whenever you do the opposite behavior, you pay money to a political party you dislike, or simply to us.
Use other commitment devices (eg committing to friends, posting to social media, signing pledges, self-commitments)
Try keeping track of “streaks” you want to keep
A friend of ours almost broke up with her boyfriend because he never cleaned the house despite commitments to. Then they added a cash commitment device - he had to pay her EUR 70 every week he didn’t clean. All of a sudden he started cleaning.
Make the opposite hard
Try making it next to impossible by eg putting yourself on a self exclusion list for gambling, blocking websites on your phone/laptop and giving the passcode to your spouse, not having snacks in the house, …)
I can’t be trusted with social media. I tried a lot of things and in the end made using them hard by using apple’s screentime to limit my time and asked my girlfriend to set a pin only she knows to unlock more time. I give myself 15min/day for the essential social media I have to do for work.
Christoph
7. Remember
If you behavior isn’t automatic or default, you will need to remember it every time a situation occurs.
The best way to remember is to use “cue based planning”. That means you think of situations where this behavior is relevant and already make a plan
A good cue covers “when where what” and is salient or out of the ordinary, such as simple calendar reminders, putting your floss next to your toothbrush, piggy-backing on existing habits where possible
A good cue also is flexible. Your life will change so working with something too static/fixed is likely to fail when your life adapts.
8. Learn with others
Chances are, the people you know have similar lives to you. If somebody already does what you want to do, be curious. Actively ask them how they do it.
Reversely, by sharing with others what works for you, you start seeing yourself as somebody who does these things, which also helps building this behavior.
Join the Euzoia Community to share what works for you.
9. Keep experimenting
Everybody is unique, so what works for others won’t work 100% for you. Use your weekly review as an opportunity to reflect on what works and what doesn’t, then try something else until you found something that works for you.
I used to struggle to exercise. A combination of these changes made it work
Starting with a personal trainer to learn, and have hard social accountability
Then making it pleasant: I listen to podcasts in the gym and I do rocycle (techno on a stationary bike) for cardio - both things I love.
Making it easy - I have a gym app that just tells me which workout to do and a yoga/rocycle classes where I also only have to show up
Remember: I plan my week every Sunday and plan when I’ll exercise. If possible I already book classes then
Experimenting: I tried all kinds of workouts at all kinds of times in the day. I learned that I don’t like running and really don’t like exercise in the morning.
Christoph